The Currency of Communication $$$

by Chandra McCullough

I like to tell my clients that when they come to see me at a minimum they will get some good… or bad analogies from our time together. Lately,I keep thinking of relationships as a business and communication as the funds for the business. Oftentimes, couples decide it's time to come to therapy because communication has broken down and they couldn't be further from the same page. 

So, let's make this one giant analogy!

Imagine that when you start dating someone, you essentially open a joint bank account. The early moments are so fun and easy…cha ching cha ching. Waiting for texts or phone calls, going on dates, and you can't get enough of your new person. Deposit after deposit your bank account is growing. As time goes on, you continue talking, laughing, and building a relationship…..or the deposits stop and the relationship goes under due to lack of funds (not your person).

 For those who keep going, you have a good strong balance. As tough conversations come up and there is conflict, you withdraw from the account, but it stays in good standing. For some couples this maintains, but for many life happens. Things get busy, and other priorities arise. Conflict and tension continue, but the deposits decrease. Over time the balance on the account becomes smaller and smaller. Some couples know the balance of the account, so they shy away from any conflict. A withdrawal too big could be detrimental to the relationship, and that is terrifying. The make or break pressure of communicating well becomes all couples can see. They want to work through the tension and conflict, but they don’t know how.

When we slow it down and go back to the beginning, we see it was not one big thing that grew the account in the first place. It was the small interactions. A loving text, laughing together, voiced appreciation, talking about the weather, and just getting to know each other. This doesn’t change… we do.

So what can you do? Talk about the small stuff that “doesn’t matter”. Rebuild your bank account with your partner through small deposits that are consistent. Reconnect. Then, let's see if those issues still feel too big to conquer together.